When a guy tells you he loves you…

when a guy tells you he loves you
he will never
mouth those words
he will beat about the bush
till you push
him to an edge
and then, blurt it out
stammering and stuttering
i think… i think i love you
but trust me
he has thought
and he has thought it through
talked to himself
a thousand times too
and mustered all the courage
to vaguely say it to you

when a guy tells you he loves you
he might talk about cricket
or the cold food
laugh at your lipstick selection
whining about his parking ticket
but he has looked it all up
research done
about lipsticks and books
and the perfect cologne for you
so, change, redo, reapply
when something, he says,
doesn’t look nice.

when a guy tells you he loves you
he will not take you home
at a family party
with his bunch
but he has had conversations in his head
introducing you to his mom
at a private Sunday lunch
not as his girlfriend, no…
he will say your name
with love and pride
and, look in his eyes
then you will see the love
you were waiting for
all you life.

when a guy tells you he loves you
he wouldn’t reply immediately
or call you back that often
he knows you read between the lines
he will frame an answer
reeking of denial
knowing that he will lose
at every single trial
don’t you miss me? naah!
aren’t you jealous? no way!
were you crying? psshht no!
he knows you will read them
and see through the lies
and send him a hug
a little love in disguise
and ruffle up his hair
and utter into his ears
i’m here sweetie

when a guy tells you he loves you
he will be his complete self
happy and ecstatic
weird and crazy
his passion on the tables
the fire for his quirks
without fear
you will stand by him
he will cry and shed a tear
in your company
understanding you will see him
and his love for little… simple things
just like every other human being

when a guy loves you…
he will fumble
toy with the words
look down on the ground
but he will not be unsure
he did everything
he wouldn’t usually do for no girl
he molded himself
into a different man
worked on his dream a little harder
and on his emotions a little better
he will become you friend
more than a lover
your one stop person
for now and forever
when the time comes
he will resort to ambiguity
and still talk about cricket and meat
when a guy loves you…
not his words
but his eyes will show through.



Words & Tears

You know you know your words.
You play with them
Little games of peek-a-boo
On lonely winter nights
Trailing your fingers over them
Over the smudged ink
From your tears
It blurs out their sharp edges
Sands down the abrupt turns
Curves them down a little
For your frail fingers
And your even frailer heart
You know…
You know your heart
It would rather write than talk
Soothe itself
As the tears
Smoothen the sharp letters.


on the subway
on a rainy day
hair’s a mess
dripping wet
creased dress
adds to the stress
bare lips
the coffee mug tips
you try to stay steady
that’s when you look up
he smiles
more to himself
and then at you
you brush through your untidy hair
droplets everywhere
fogged up glasses
and embarrassing blushes

two seconds later
you look up again
he never looked away
but you don’t complain
offers to help
to hold your book
and says he loved this author
and now you…
both of you…
smile at each other

the warm air gets warmer
the skin comes alive
you clasp onto your coffee mug
a little too tight
and hope time slows down
having this gentleman
stay a little longer around

i am…
he says his name
and you are..?
you stutter
on your very name
mumbling like a kid
and then hear it
roll smoothly
off his tongue

a conversation
about hobbies and passion
work and life
married or without a wife
this teenage dream-like trance

next stop Broadway
the PA announces
he turns to leave
the air feels cold…
oh it is just the open doors
no numbers exchanged
no touches stolen
just your coffee aroma
and his Chanel cologne
that one last smile
as he goes the other way
leaving your Disney fairy tale
on the morning subway.


Millennial Love

you are in bed
watching casablanca
with nutella and bread

ping ping
the phone rings
you sit up
pause the video
look for the phone
type the passcode
silencing the tone

‘hi’, it said…
‘he’, instead
your mind’s aghast
thoughts all lost
why you ask
to yourself of course
is this a booty call under an innocent mask

you take a risk
type a reply
before you hit send

he texts back within 0.3 seconds

wow you say
smile and content
that has never happened before
not with any of your ex-boyfriends

you forget the movie
have something else to keep you up all night
a cheesy conversation
and a few sparks
to start the fire alright

and that’s how it begins
the stream of calls and texts
and moving up
to videos and nudes
and before you know it
you are celebrating your 2 month anniversary
tagging each other
in rosy pictures on facebook
changing relationship status
and doing all that’s complimentary
you splurge on all bits of adoration
cheap gifts wrapper in fancy paper
with a bow on the top
to show you do care a lot.

and honey you say you found
this quick
but you never saw the asterisk
that came with it
the package lured you slyly…
in pants and the banks
and you check the boxes blindly
without reading
the note so carelessly
so you didn’t know it comes with a price
a short tenure
lots of money
and blind sacrifice

he now gets bored with the gifts
and calls them cheap
and you argue on every little chance you get
running towards the cliff
hand in hand
of all the memories you want to forget
you push
or get pushed
too hard
little games
of guile and disregard
only to last for a few days
till you resort back to your old ways

and then again
you are in bed
watching casablanca
with nutella and bread
swiping right and left on dating apps
that’s love for us millennials, perhaps.